i need to think clearly.

i am a bit upset lately.
Days pass too fast, i am getting older every day, without any improvement.
I am counting the time i spend online, watching TV, or surfing websites.
Actually, i am not doing anything much.
i said i am busy, but i am not doing anything,
and how can i improve myself when i am not doing anything.
i am not studying and i am not noting cases.
i wonder what i am doing?

new month

i have finished one month of community medicine.
i thought i have plenty of time to do something this month, but one month has passed and i did nothing.
but i have plan for nov.
i will try not to use credit card this month.i will write 2 pages of chinese daily and i will read some thing, some disease daily
i go to triservice hospital cos i want to learn something.
that is my target and i will do my best to learn something.

i need to success

recently,i have more free time,but the time to go back to triservice hospital is near and sometimes i feel depress because of that.
but i need to think clearly what i want to do.
i must alert and i must know things that needed to be done
what are my strong points?
i am good at seeing overview.
i am good in presentations
i am good in making judgements
but i am not successful in first two months why?
i dare not to make decision
i am afraid to do procedures.

i am scare to offend others
i am sensitive about my accent
i lack the motivation
i am hurted by things not in my control.
so what can i do to overcome these
1.improve my chinese
2.meditation
3.work hard
4.read more books

meeting a psychologist

yesterday i attend a clinic teaching with psychiatrist,he is a a goodteacher
and his patients like him,but both of them weresuccessful,he is also emotionally wretched.
it give me insight to my condition,what other s think is not as important as what u think of yourself.
i am unhappy because i think poorly of my self.i don''t think i have a good life
that is the source of my unhappy
if i want to be happy first i must llearn to oroud of myself,happy with what i have..

2 months leaving after tai-an

it is two months after leaving tai-an.
I am under a lot of stress in tri-service hospital and under the weather.
i grew thin and even my parents felt sorry for me.
I have no personal life there.but a lot of people managed that.
but i hate no free time there.i thought about leaving many times. But i don't want to give up.
i want sometime for my self and think clearly. but upto now , i didn't do to.
i am watching a lot of movie and wasting my time.

Thinking of things

I am a thinker, i am always thinking things even though when i don't want to.
This month,i am in community service. But they sent us to a small clinic.
This is a way of making money between them, i can agree with that.
But what i hate is they are making us to listen to old timers.
70 yr old men, who have had a good time. But now are impossibly out of date. They have large ego. They have a lot to say.
And they want to talk, but we don't want to listen.
what a waste of time.

last day in 台安

After more than 2 yr of working , i leave 台安 today.
It was a good place, even though i don't like it much at first.
i have many friends there and people like me
the hospital even provide a place as VS for me, if i stay,
who will think that?
but now a new chapter in my life has started. i am a bit worried but also full of hope.
I think i will do well in tri service hospital
it seems a good place, not a lot of people like it. but who knows, it may be the best place for me.